Friday, November 30, 2007

Both of the people I know who killed themselves did it in November. Tonight is the sixth anniversary of my cousin's suicide.

I feel like it's hitting me harder than I remember it doing in years past...

My friend Kate who is adopting an older kid tells me that they warn you that your kid may "act out" on anniversaries of significant/bad things, without even knowing it.

Yup, it feels sorta like that, except I'm not really acting out, more folding up.

God, it sucks.


Jeanne said...

Pam, today is the 14th anniversary of getting diagnosed with CML. I remember the first time the anniversary came around--I had no idea how hard it would hit me, how profound the effect would be, how unconscious it really is.

Anniversary grief gotten better over time. But Christmas still makes me a little sad. After 14 years, this still happens.

I'll hold you in the light, friend.

the Sapphire Cat said...

yeah, i can relate to the folding up. while i rarely act out, i have been known to do something self-destructive or self-punishing however minimal (or not).

sending my love your way!

Plain Foolish said...


Liz Opp said...

I believe that just "naming" it, being aware of it is huge.

Are you holding yourself in the Light...? That's a discipline that has had much power for me, even when I didn't know exactly what I was doing.

Liz Opp, The Good Raised Up