Sometimes I think that I have a hard time talking about God because I'm immersed in it. A friend said today, it's "like a fish trying to describe water"
Sometimes when people talk about finding ways to connect with God I think "but you have to get so far away to do that" - sometimes getting far away is good for getting perspective on things. But I don't know. We never get away from ourselves. Isn't that how it is with God?
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For me, the issue is listening. It's like when you're a kid and an adult asks, "Have we got our listening ears on?" It's easier to listen when I'm not going deaf from the noise. And even Meeting can be noisy. Cough. Sniffle. Benches creaking as folks shift around. Hey, is that a finch out there? How many cars are there on this side street on a Sunday, anyway? Sniffle. Creak. Until I feel like squirming, which would cause more creaking, of course. And the irony is that here I am, trying desperately to settle down and listen, when I know I would do it pretty much automatically if I were out there watching the finch.
I think that's why I'm kind of deciding that while I need to set aside "listening time", it will probably only be occasionally at Meeting, and much more often will be with maybe a few people or alone outdoors. Certainly if the weather is good, it's just too hard to settle me down inside.
And yes, that is probably why they initially labelled me mentally retarded - I had no patience for sitting still and listening to a teacher when I could be outside studying the bugs and the grass and the birds and the... will you look at the shape of that cloud? Wow.
The teacher told my mother I was "uncooperative" so Mom came on a class visit. According to her, I sat there, looking out the window at the clouds while the classroom erupted in chaos.
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