tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-174112022024-03-07T12:42:18.285-06:00reaching for the lightUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-56061549415300819162012-05-12T00:10:00.000-05:002012-05-12T00:17:47.997-05:00"Lapsed"?<br />
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Yesterday I ran into a young man whom I know vaguely through the local Conservative Quaker worship group. I have done child care for them on occasion, and have a number of friends in the group, but have never really been an attender. I attend the larger liberal meeting slightly farther away from my house, but much closer to my heart.<br />
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We chatted for a while about Quakers, how I haven't been around for a while (their Sunday school program has been up and running for this school year, so my services haven't been required) and somewhere in this conversation he said something like, "I understand you to be something of a lapsed Quaker"<br />
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Um, what? I mean, I'm not super-Quaker or anything, nor do I strive to be, but I'm a member of my meeting, attend pretty regularly, and have considered myself a Quaker consistently for over twenty years. At no time have I considered myself anything along the lines of "lapsed"
I mean, so, okay: He saw me at his meeting a few times and hasn't in over six months. Perhaps I have even presented myself as somehow failed. Sometimes I am surprised at how self-deprecating I can be when I actually listen to myself.<br />
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But my first thought was that OF COURSE anyone who knew me through that group would think I was "lapsed" - not that I am not adequately committed to my Quaker community, but that said community doesn't really "count" when it comes right down to it. We are all lapsed, or at least inadequate, Quakers.<br />
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A few months ago I was talking to another friend who is part of this worship group about a mutual friend who had left it a number of years ago. He said that his impression was that they were "too Quaker" for her. I know that she might say it was too christocentric, too controlled, too rule-bound, too concerned with being some image of a "good quaker", and therefore too far from God, as well as too dominated by one or two strong personalities. But no, not "too Quaker" - not at all.<br />
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The thing is, I dont' think these comments were malicious in any way. In fact both led to rich and satisfying conversations where I did not feel judged in the least for my imagined shortcomings. In one case it seems he's actually a liberal friend at heart, but little enough of a morning person that meeting at 4pm is significantly more appealing than meeting at 11am. I can understand this, though my life hasn't been that way in a long time.<br />
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But that almost freaks me out more. It's not a position anymore. It's like it's in the water. It's just a "given" that quakers who do not do things the way they do are less quaker. I guess I can't explain how or why that makes me queasy, but hopefully it's apparent?<br />
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In the course of conversation he said that one friend speaks of it as wanting to play basketball, and if you're playing basketball everyone you're playing with should be playing basketball too. If some people are playing tennis then it just doesn't work.
I have heard this metaphor before, and it made sense to me, though it didn't sit quite right. Of course you can't play basketball and tennis on the same court at the same time, in any useful way. I get it.<br />
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And yet.
I finally realized that the problem is that I DON'T want to play basketball. The thing is, I don't want to play tennis either. The point of Quakerism to me, the hook, the draw, is that we are not playing a game (mostly/hopefully) with a bunch of rules set out beforehand. We are waiting on the light. We are open to continuing revelation.<br />
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It's not a game at all, but if it was to try to be, it would be a "new game" - no rules (beyond basic, "be good to each other"), no lines on the court, just a goal (a little bit of a stretch, it's not like we have an actual achievable goal set out, but something almost like it?) and a community of people working toward it. A community with all of the knowledge and baggage and shortcomings and gifts that its members bring.
I really really like it that way.
And I've been blogging forever (once a year, anyway) and still seem to be talking about the same thing. Makes me sad, I wish it wasn't such a persistent topic.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-2522353508681219022012-05-11T00:11:00.000-05:002012-05-12T00:12:25.229-05:00reading "Doubt"Some quotes:<br /><br />"In dark ages people are best guided by religion, as in a pitch-black night a blind man is the best guide; he knows the roads and paths better than a man who can see. When daylight comes, however, it is foolish to use blind, old men as guides" - Heinrich Heine (p 346)<br /><br />"The Atheist says to the honest conscientious believer, Though I cannot believe in your God whom you have failed to demonstrate, I believe in man; if I have no faith in your religion I have faith, unbounded, unshaken faith in the principles of right, of justice, and humanity. Whatever good you are willing to do for the sake o your God, I am full as willing to do for the sake of man." Ernestine Rose (p 387)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-3391951883802323932011-06-12T11:24:00.002-05:002011-06-12T16:51:48.516-05:00PlasticWow, it's been almost a year since I posted. Not sure if I feel bad about that or not, but my inclination is to feel bad - blah.<br /><br />And this post is basically about the issue my last post was about, plastic, and plastic monitoring/plastic fasting. hmmm... It's been a year since <a href="http://nature.pagannewswirecollective.com/2011/06/01/join-our-celebration/">Cat started her plastic fast</a> and she's issued an invitation for others to try it. <br /><br />I kept all my plastic last week and weighed it, about .63# So I think I will sign up and next week do <a href="http://myplasticfreelife.com/showyourplastic/challenge-show-us-your-plastic-trash/">this challenge</a> - it's an interesting process.<br /><br />I am a little overwhelmed by trying to keep a)gross plastic (I just threw out a bag from traction grit that has been sitting in my yard since last November - I will find something similar to throw in the tally) and b) plastic that by the time I know I'm throwing it out is full of garbage (again, just put in a substitute and take it back out?)<br /><br />A lot of what I throw away is second-use. I get plastic shopping bags and bread and newspaper bags from friends to use respectively for trash and dog poop pickup. I feel like I should get credit or some sort of moral discount for this, but I am actually the one throwing that stuff away.<br /><br />My project has inspired me to ask the local ice cream store to get wooden sample spoons. My first taste of activism! :)<br /><br />Anyway, should be an interesting project, plastic is pretty horrifying, if you think about it for a moment.<br /><br />Also finding it interesting that this process is somehow alleviating my guilt a little - not like it's license to use more plastic, but it's like confession I think. Somehow holding myself accountable and owning up to what I'm doing takes part of the yuckyness of it away? hmmmUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-32212033402056454402010-07-04T15:14:00.005-05:002010-07-10T18:08:00.424-05:00I have been lazily following <a href="http://chestnuthousepetercat.blogspot.com/">Cat and Peter's</a> initiative to track and reduce the amount of plastic they throw away each week. It's kind of a cool process, and has definitely got me thinking about it in a new way (I don't save an weigh my plastic, but I now look at all plastic I buy and think about what it would add to the pile.<br /><br />I think it has actually prevented me from buying things a couple of times (bottles of juice, etc)<br /><br />But it's also spun off in it's own direction.<br /><br />I think the craze is mostly past, but for a while "my year of abstaining from _____" books seemed to be all the rage. I read quite a few of them, and most of them were really interesting (though the one about stuff made in China, I have to say, could have used a lot more analysis, and some sense of purpose on the part of the author)<br /><br />These books are really great for trying to approach a big, unwieldy problem from a very distinct angle. To try to take everything into account, and to actually achieve some sort of balance, certainly makes my head spin, and is just too out of control to write a book about.<br /><br />But hopefully not to do, or at least attempt, in a real, three-dimensional life.<br /><br />So, I've been thinking about my plastic use, and my petroleum use (which is more to the point, and includes plastic, obviously) I'm not buying stuff in plastic nearly as much, but I am also more careful about buying stuff in glass (which is heavier, and takes more fuel to ship across the country, so that between the two, a single serving plastic bottle might be a more "eco-friendly" choice than a glass one, if it's travelled over a certain number of miles - I certainly don't know the math.<br /><br /><br />But also, plastic and petroleum use mostly isn't visible. I remember my horror, working in a produce warehouse (a cooperative one that stocked a lot of organics and supplied mostly co-ops) at how much plastic was used and disposed of inside our warehouse (pallets of fruit crates or whatever else were wrapped in heavy duty plastic wrap to keep things from falling just to transport them across the warehouse sometimes!)<br /><br />One of my issues is that I never remember numbers, just vague inferences. But I've been hearing a lot lately about how our household trash is almost entirely insignificant. When you throw away a candy wrapper or a plastic strawberry container, you're contributing to the waste stream, but only about 1/10 (?!) of what you already contributed by buying it in the first place (don't quote me on that, the point is that most of the waste is invisible to us as the consumer. That's not to say it's wrong to worry about it, and think about it, but I think it's important to think about it in the larger context (like, if you can get something that is wrapped in paper but was produced by a giant corporation and shipped who knows how far to get to you, versus something in plastic which was produced in your neighborhood, your carbon footprint will most likely be much smaller with the latter.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-3141014921961727082010-05-29T21:35:00.011-05:002010-06-01T07:57:21.522-05:00Thinking"(W)e have to ask ourselves how these religions are expressed <span style="font-style:italic;">on the ground, in the real world -</span> I mean both of these literally - how they play out in the lives of living breathing human beings and others. What have been the effects of Christianity on the health of landbases? Has biodiversity thrived on the arrival of the cross? How has the arrival of Christianity affected the status of women? How has it affected the indigenous peoples it has encountered? We can and should ask the same questions of Buddhism, science, capitalism, and every other aspect of our or any other culture. Not how they play out theoretically, not how their rhetoric plays out, not how we wish they would play out, not how they <span style="font-style:italic;">could</span> play out under some imaginary ideal circumstances, but how they <span style="font-style:italic;">have</span> played out.<br /> - Derrick Jensen, <span style="font-style:italic;">Endgame, volume I</span><br /><br /><br />I just (just, like moments ago) finished reading this book, and it's got me disassembled. I'm not sure what to do with myself. It's like it finally confirmed (or at least one other person sees it) something I have suspected and felt all my life (the inherent destructiveness of our culture) and I feel a little less alone, and I feel way more alone.<br /><br /><br />Jensen's position is radically anti-civilization. It sounds a little nuts, but to me in the exact same way the kid saying the emperor has no clothes sounded nuts (or would have, at least, assuming everyone else was truly and fully deluded, rather than just lying). He also believes (as do I) that our civilization WILL crash (and soon) - there is no way out of that. In addition, the sooner it crashes the more things will be left alive to start over (including humans and things humans eat - in addition to relatively unpoisoned air and water) so actively working to take it down is a good thing. (Neither he nor I actually do this as yet)<br /><br />So, there's this joy of validation - yes, it really is that bad, you're not hysterical, and you're not nuts. And then, well, it's really that bad, a horror beyond my capability to process it (brought to stunning relief by all that oil spilling into the gulf killing everything in sight while those in power sort of bumble around to see what they can do <span style="font-style:italic;">without doing anything radical</span>, or changing anything too much, which is pretty much nothing, obviously.<br /><br />But Jensen also goes after religion. Not all religion in terms of spirit or a sense of awe at the wonder of things, but big religion, our big religions (Christianity, but also Buddhism) - any religion that is not rooted in place. <br /><br />This makes a lot of sense to me, at least at some level. I think what he's getting at is a lot of the trouble that I have with Christianity (and other religions) - they do not speak to (of/through) me about how to live me life as it is and as I experience it, they speak of a number of things that have nothing to do with me, and leave me cold.<br /><br />AND<br /><br />(and this feels like a big and) he takes them to task for both letting us off the hook and for comforting us when we should not be comforted.<br /><br />Some of the problem with our view of the environment is our cultural assumption that the point of it all lies elsewhere. Many of the worst offenders in US politics have been born-again christians who believe that the rapture is coming, and at best it doesn't matter because Jesus will come and take us away, and at worst it is a GOOD thing to destroy the planet, because it will somehow hasten (and facilitate?) Jesus' coming.<br /><br /><br />Joanna, in responding to my post about Christianity, said: "when I focus solely on what needs to be done and what I can do to meet it I am sometimes overwhelmed by my impotence, blindness, double-mindedness; and I need to be reminded that my hope for the world is based on God's goodness not my own. That doesn't mean that I can sit back and assume that God will fix everything"<br /><br />which totally made sense to me. It IS overwhelming to think that we're all there is. And sometimes, it's not good to move forward with an ego grounded in that notion either :)<br /><br />[and, I'd like to point out, Joanna lives a life, from what I can tell, about 300x closer to the life I think I "should" live than I do, so I do not mean to denigrate her choices or approach at ALL, but it doesn't work for me. At least not yet]<br /><br />But, Jensen's point would be that all religions have been used to say that somehow it doesn't matter all that much. There is sometimes a sense that God will take care of it all, so we don't have to work so hard, OR even more, that it doesn't matter if God takes care of it. It doesn't matter, actually, if polar bears die because there is no ice for them to live on. It doesn't matter if tons of sea creatures die from toxins, fishing nets, or from having so much plastic crap in their bellies they starve to death because they can't fit in any actual food.<br /><br />The point is to do our best, or to live up to our own light, or to be faithful. <br /><br />And that is NOT the point for me. I want action, I want to make it better. I was drawn to quakerism because I thought we were IN the world, that we cared about things, really cared (not like cared about our own spiritual development in relation to slavery, actually cared about slavery, and stopping it) <br /><br />I do think this attitude has a benefit in taking away our tendency to beat ourselves up about things. Evaluating how you did at the end of your life, when you can do no more, it is really "as good" to have done the best you could as to have won. But it does make a difference in the real world if you won, and the real world matters. (to me)<br /><br />Maybe I"m not a Quaker?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-73235691008510779272010-05-15T10:26:00.004-05:002010-05-16T18:57:36.811-05:00Wondering about ChristiansTurns out I wonder much the same about Christianity as I do about Paganism. Basically just, what is it? who "counts" and who doesn't? Is just saying you're one all you need? What if you DON'T say that you're one, but follow many of the tenets or it, even more so than many of its followers?<br /><br />This came up recently for me because a friend who is a pastor posted some bit of pastorly wisdom to facebook, and I responded that it was useful to me even though I wasn't christian. He wrote me in private to say, "well, why not become one?" To his thinking, as I'm already concerned with social justice and ethical behavior, I'm halfway there!<br /><br /><br />So, what I wonder about first, with Christians is, again, what is one? Not that I think there's an answer, though unlike Pagans, there are lots of legally incorporated entities with tax-exempt status in the US and lots of rules and creeds and probably bylaws and stuff like that (which all help us to be better, more evolved spiritual beings, right?)<br /><br />I assume there are bits of that in neopaganism, but I'm not actually sure. Anyway, the fact that christians have it doesn't really help me understand how people frame their own understanding of their own christianity anyway.<br /><br />I've studied some, but it sort of all boggles my mind. A friend who used to be an evangelical christian pointed me recently toward<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summary_of_Christian_eschatological_differences">this</a> page about all the different ways to interpret the book of revelations and what it says about when Jesus will come back, when the dead will rise, all that. I don't think it includes the "someone was just trippin'" or the "they were just wrong" interpretations of the book - no, this is just a ton of different ways to think the rapture and stuff is for real.<br /><br />Which I tend to assume MOST christians don't believe, but there are probably polls proving I'm wrong.<br /><br />The christians who tend to annoy me the most are those who are excited for other people to go to hell, followed by those who thank Jesus every time they find a good parking space (really, that guy needs to get a life, if he's worrying about where you're gonna park), but I don't interact with either of those types, much....<br /><br />What I'm left confused about is people who aren't too worried about the super literalness of the Bible, and probably don't think I'm doomed to hell for not thinking Jesus was especially the son of God or whatever other magicalism it might be.<br /><br />But they still think I'm missing something, and I can't for the life of me figure out what. Occasionally, the really convincing ones don't seem to worry about what I'm missing, but live their lives in a way that makes ME wonder if I'm missing something. (not that they're nicer people than I am, though maybe, but they're more at peace, I think, and often nicer, now that I think of it)<br /><br /><br />A LOT of what I run into, in my own dancing around with this in my head, is a sense that my best sense of Jesus (both what feels truest, for the most part, and what feels more likable) is of a man supremely concerned with justice and love, and enormously pissed off by dogma, religious strictures, etc. As if he was almost always saying, to those concerned more with tradition, "forget all that nonsense and heal the sick, feed the hungry, love each other, enjoy life"<br /><br />And I guess I find myself wanting to say pretty much the same things to a lot of christians a lot of the time<br /><br />Which feels a lot like wanting to be outside more than a lot of pagans seem to.<br /><br />Plus, there's this sense, and I just don't get it, that being concerned with, for example, social justice is a really important first step in some larger process, the end of which would be something like "becoming a christian" (and that's where I'm wondering, what is that? is there a hope I'll believe something different? start praying to Jesus (like, and mean it?), just join a church, exactly as I am? <br /><br />but most importantly, to me these things seem like ends in themselves - housing the homeless, feeding the hungry, comforting the suffering, preventing war, fighting for justice. And I'm baffled, and somewhat angry, when I run into, over and over again, what seems like the notion that they are somehow accessories to THE POINT, which I still don't even understand - that would be belief in something? It would be _________ - what would it be? <br /><br /><a href="http://thegoodraisedup.blogspot.com/2010/03/job-application-for-faithful-servant.html">Liz blogged</a> a bit ago about being a faithful servant. I didn't really get it, and it didn't resonate with me (I don't think/care much about being a faithful servant, for after all, who would I serve?) but it DID bring up this issue again. One item she mentions is helping a friend facing homelessness (I'm not sure what that entailed) but I had done something similar this winter (sadly, I think many of us probably had opportunities to do so for the first time) but it was radically different for me, I think, because God never entered my mind, not for a second. It's cold, she's scared, I have space - a number of thoughts/reasons/motivations, but not remotely related to God or religion.<br /><br /><br />And I *like* it that way. Perhaps only because my view of religion is still so shallow? It made sense to me, after all, when I was a small child with a simple philosophy. It *sounds* like wanting to house the homeless out of a hope for garnering favor with the divine, rather than out of some inborn sense of empathy or compassion. Am I missing something that is better/bigger/more awesome than empathy and compassion as a motivation?<br /><br />This extends to other areas of spirituality for me as well, religion seems to cheapen it. Trees are AMAZING, the ocean is AMAZING, life is AMAZING - you can just be drop dead (hopefully not literally) blown away by the wonder of it all, and then someone bops up and says something like, "you're missing the really amazing thing, which is that some dude made this" - which leaves me completely nonplussed.<br /><br />I dunnoUnknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-9271770031507329372010-05-11T22:35:00.005-05:002010-05-12T10:08:55.019-05:00Wondering about Pagans (actually, I don't know what this is about)Stasa just recently <a href="http://aquakerwitch.blogspot.com/2010/05/ritual-new-animal-sacrifice.html">blogged</a> about how much it hurts to have quakers (and others?) assume that all pagans do ritual. And I have to say I'm a little surprised. I suppose I was one of those guilty parties. My natural reactions so far have been all along the lines of "but don't they?" <br /><br />Which I guess I just have to leave out there until some pagans stumble across this and have something to say. I suppose I could also go poke my nose around, but I feel like I have. The thing about looking things up online is that stuff that's posted about pagan rituals is mostly going to be rituals that happen. you're not going to find an instance on the web of a pagan going for a walk in the woods and communing with nature (well, you might, you might even find it here, but it's not gonna turn up on a calendar of what's happening at your local community center, where a ritual just might)<br /><br />I've actually been wanting to just whine about pagans, really, for a coupla days. It's silly, but I feel like when I encounter organized pagans in real life they're like afraid of nature. This really boils down to two experiences. Once a year or two ago when we were having a meeting of some sort at the meetinghouse on or around June 21st and there was a scheduling conflict because the pagan group that uses our meetinghouse had booked it for summer solstice, and I just though, my god, don't they want to be outside on summer solstice? is that more prejudice? is it silly to assume pagans want to worship outside? I want to worship outside! especially at midsummer. Then again, I don't think I'm pagan.<br /><br />The second instance was just a week or two ago at our local May Day celebration. Some pagan group (except maybe they didn't even say they were pagan, they were "earth" something, oh well) was trying to recruit members and their big upcoming thing was a camping trip they take for a week every summer, and like three different people told me enthusiastically that it's at a professional campground and you can take hot showers every day and there's electricity at every site. I personally like camping without electricity, and can do without a shower for a few days (though I'd probably want one if I was gone a week) <br /><br />I can't quite explain how it makes me want to cry that people who identify around, and, well, worship, the earth can seem so disinclined to like BE on the EARTH.<br /><br />And no, this is not meant to be a pagan bashing rant. Like I said, I don't even know if the people I'm talking about are pagans, or if other pagans would think they were pagans or what. Plus, I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts before broadcasting them. I learned the word "tact" as a child from people telling me that I don't have it. Sorry (really, I'm sorry)<br /><br />Which actually maybe brings me to my point (really? can that happen?) which is more about how pagans seem even harder to pin down than quakers. Who are they? what do they believe? Do they marry same sex couples? do they have female clergy? do they have a book? What do they DO? (which,I have to say, I've been asked more as a lesbian than as a quaker, but it might be close) This is something I should be able to look up somewhere, right? <br /><br />Is there a membership process for being a pagan, what would you become a member of? I get the impression there are pagan clergy (like, who can marry a couple legally and stuff) so then, who ordains them? what sort of things do they have to know first? What IS a pagan? is there any agreed upon definition? Can you be an outcast from Paganism? I suppose I had thought not, but I don't know.<br /><br />dictionary.com says:<br /><br />1.<br />one of a people or community observing a polytheistic religion, as the ancient Romans and Greeks.<br />2.<br />a person who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim.<br />3.<br />an irreligious or hedonistic person. <br /><br />So I don't think that's all that helpful.<br /><br /><br />Actually, writing this, I am finding I have a lot of similar questions about christianity, possibly another post to come soon.....<br /><br /><br /><br />I think for me, the thing is, that why I'm a QUAKER has a lot to do with basically the spiritual power I feel in the world. As a christian-by-default child, I felt what they were talking about sometimes - love for my fellow human beings, a strong sense of justice, I just didn't think that stories about fishermen and churches with stained glass windows, men in robes, incense and candles, had to do with any of it. I found that they detracted from something that needed no embellishment, so leave it alone.<br /><br />As I've grown I've been somewhat inclined to call myself a pagan quaker, because that power that I feel is most present in nature and "natural" things (trees yes, cars no) - for me this is roughly parallel to being a christian quaker - yes to Jesus, but no to most of that other stuff we (possibly) grew up with as non-quaker christian children. But most pagan quakers I know seem to be more organizedly pagan than that, maybe because they didn't have it growing up and still feel the need for it? I'm not sure. I personally don't have a strongly anti-ritual view of quakerism. it doesnt' work for me, and I don't want it to become, even a little bit, how my community "does" quakerism, I think that would be a problem, but I don't think that people who do ritual (be it catholic or pagan, or something else) outside of meeting need to be excluded or shunned or anything. I guess I'm also wondering if that's a concern among people for whom ritual in other contexts is important?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-44906568590228282282010-04-10T11:31:00.001-05:002010-04-14T13:30:54.287-05:00Save the Planet, eat your dog?10-27-09<br />Ok, that's not actually what <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/environment/2987848/Save-the-planet-time-to-eat-dog">this</a> article says, but it's how it's titled.<br /><br />The comments afterwards are, in my opinion, a little hysterical, which I would totally be if someone actually tried to take my dog for food (or hurt any of them for any reason)<br /><br />I started writing this ages ago, and am going back to check on my "drafts"<br /><br />I'm not sure what I was going to say about this, I'm horrified by the title, of course (well, of course for me anyway) but it brings up some stuff I think about quite a bit.<br /><br />For one thing, I'm basically on board with this, in the way I'm on board with many things (like population control - I'm not down with killing people, but I do think that any and all efforts to keep population down by educating women and guaranteeing access to birth control, as well as personal choice is a good thing)<br /><br />So, I'm a fan of not breeding pets on purpose. I would actually advocate simply doing away with the practice. I have lots of pets, more than I want (at least twice as many as I'd like) because I function at maximum carrying capacity on the theory that that's one more animal that doesn't end up euthanized - it's pretty sad to think about, really) <br /><br />And I would advocate that just from the perspective that if you want a dog or cat (or hamster or ferret) you can almost definitely find one at the humane society. If breeding were seriously curtailed, maybe they'd all find homes (if it was actually effectively stopped, there might actually be a "shortage" of pets, but how likely is that it could really be effectively stopped altogether?) Certainly the environmental perspective is added incentive.<br /><br />4/14/10<br /><br />I don't feel like I ever developed a theme for this, or figured out what I wanted to say. But there's something to say here. Our relationship with animals, particularly pets, is to say the least bizarre. People (many people, in the US) freak out about eating dogs, but think you're a terrorist if you oppose torturing dogs in a lab to find out neat scientific facts (or cure cancer - ha! that's going really well, how about we stop as a society doing all the things we're pretty sure cause cancer? Like spewing pollution, spraying our food with pesticides, etc?) nor do (most) people mind at all eating cows, pigs, chickens, etc, NOR the fact that they are treated brutally for their entire short lives before they are eaten (I probably still wouldn't eat meat if I knew it was raised and slaughtered "humanely" - but the difference between that, which I have no theoretical problem with, and how your meat is produced is HUGE, unless you know the farmer personally (and how it is slaughtered no matter what - farmer's aren't allowed to slaughter their own animals they HAVE to go to licensed facilities, which at this point are pretty much all awful beyond belief) <br /><br /><br />Anyway, what is up with that? Why not eat the dogs killed at the humane society and spare a few cows and pigs terrible suffering? Why not just be a vegetarian? why not get rid of breeding pets altogether? (really, it would take years to "catch up" and run out of pets, I promise)<br /><br />And, a friend just recently posted something on facebook, as an example of racism, that someone arranged to fly a bunch of dogs out of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. (this is an example of racism I guess because everyone knows dogs don't matter, or at least not much, so doing anything to help them while black people are suffering is racist - don't get me wrong, I don't have anything good to say about the official handling of hurricane Katrina, I just get tired of people freaking out that some people care about dogs, even though there are other bad things in the world too) I actually assume that the only other option for those dogs was to be left where they were to starve to death, which was never considered as an option for any human being, so I'm not at all worried about some imbalance or misplaced compassion)<br /><br />But really, dogs have no rights. Dogs were not allowed to be evacuated (even when people were, which sadly wasn't always either!) People were not only encouraged but forced at gunpoint to leave their dogs to starve.<br /><br />Just the other day I saw a sign at the dogpark that people in our area are going around stealing dogs to sell to labs and for pitbull bait. I have no idea how accurate or hysterical this concern is, but I've been worried (sometimes frantic) about it. And the truth is if someone stole my dog from my yard I most likely couldn't expect any help from the police looking for her, certainly not more than I would get for a bike, and, if caught, the thief would most likely suffer no consequences worse than if they stole my bike (dogs and bikes, after all, cost about the same)<br /><br />I guess I'm just sooo sick of hearing how animals have such a privileged place in our society, and comparing how well we treat them to how poorly we treat some people. I don't disagree that we treat some people poorly, but the problem is not that we treat animals better (we don't) but that we shouldn't be treating anyone that badly.<br /><br />I'm also really sick of people's bizarre sentimentality when it comes to dogs and cats (at least those not used in labs) - I live in a city where dogs and cats are killed frequently, and where a lot of animals get eaten frequently, and yet these people are too tenderhearted to eat dogs - not to kill them, not to eat other animals. apparently just too tenderhearted to make any sense, or be honest with themselvesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-5689094318918716082010-03-30T15:47:00.003-05:002010-04-07T18:13:21.810-05:00me and Jesus (again)<a href="http://blog.sojo.net/2010/03/30/prayer-of-the-day-2010-03-30/"> <br />"Prayer of the Day: For those in need<br />03-30-2010<br /><br />God of the broken, God of the wanderer, Christ who is without shelter, surround those in deep need among us. Surround them and help us hear their cries for help. We are a people who long for the broken to be mended. We long for justice in the face of much corruption. We want to practice hospitality but have legitimate fears. Surround us in our trying times and help us to reach beyond ourselves. We confess we are bogged down by so much need in the world. May we have the courage to stand for what is right even when it offends, the imaginations to help create a better world, and the strength of your Spirit to carry on. Let us be as you are in this world. Amen."</a><br /><br />So, today on facebook (shame) I got links to the above and to <a href="http://quakersusanne.wordpress.com/2010/03/28/that-feeling-of-blah/">this</a> in my "news feed" <br /><br /><br /><br />The prayer really speaks to me. I don't talk to Jesus/God/Christ/Anyone like that, but sometimes, when someone else does (on my behalf?) It stirs something deeply in me (often if someone does it on my behalf it pisses the hell out of me - maybe I just have to be able to choose whether I identify with the supplicants in question.)<br /><br />As for joy. Yeah, I want more joy. I want more joy in meeting. I want room for it. I don't necessarily feel like there isnt' room for it (and what do I know? I mostly hang out with middle schoolers, and mostly corrupt them at least as much as I teach them anything - we made paper airplanes a few weeks ago, which I felt sort of guilty about, until someone pointed out to me that there had been a message in meeting about our lack of joyfulness, then I felt downright productive!)<br /><br />The comments on the blog post veered toward the joy that people who have given their lives over to Christ feel. <br /><br />and I come up short.<br /><br />It's not even that I DON'T want to give my life over to Christ. I have no idea what that means. I have to say that pretty much anyone I've seen who claims to have done it seems to range from about as happy and loving as I am to downright petty and nasty. I know a few Christians, as I've mentioned before, who really radiate the love of Christ (or whatever) but they generally spend zero, nada, absolutely NO energy telling me that I'd be better off if I was a Christian. They seem relatively firm in their belief that Christ loves the stuffing out of me and there's nothing I can do about it. (but true love isn't stalking, or manipulating, or threatening - if you really love someone and they have no interest in you you don't harass them mercilessly, you love them, from whatever distance they require)<br /><br /><br />Sometimes I feel like I have a really amazing relationship with Jesus, I just have to keep it secret from his "followers" (and I'm not just talking about Pat Robertson, I'm talking about Quakers) that makes me really sadUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-61985140891238883912009-12-28T17:20:00.002-06:002009-12-28T17:43:38.490-06:00Christmas SpiritI've been thinking a lot about Christmas (oddly enough) and the "meaning" of it and all lately, particularly in relationship to my atheism (pantheism, you know) <br /><br />I'm dating someone who doesn't like christmas, which in a way is nice for me. There are no expectations, no family gatherings that not only are family-gathering-awkward, but which I am an outsider to to boot! This year we painted my upstairs apartment, which badly needed doing. we kinds exchanged gifts (I bought her a $6 hat a few weeks before and said this is your xmas present, she bought me a used dvd at the blockbuster going out of business in her neighborhood) <br /><br />Anyway, I love being free of obligations on Christmas, I really do.<br /><br />But sometimes I miss it, a little bit. I don't miss buying stupid stuff you know someone doesn't need or want because you need to have a present for them and you haven't found the right thing yet, I don't miss the stress of wanting it to be perfect, which almost always made it awful when I was younger. But there are parts I still love, that I wish we shared more easily.<br /><br />When I was a kid I was particularly present focused. It was all about the "haul" - I do think about if there's a way to steer children away from that in the US without having them simply feel terribly deprived. I have no clue.<br /><br />But one year, when I was six or seven, I "got" it - I really did (or thought I did) and I LOVED Christmas, without regard to presents. I felt all warm and as one with humanity, full of love and light. Awed at the wonder of birth (any birth) and light in the darkness and warmth in the cold, and the essential humbleness of even the most important people. None of that came in words, it just was.<br /><br />And it felt wonderful.<br /><br />And for moments of each year, I feel it again. Very fleeting moments. I love Christmas lights on houses. I know that they're run by nuclear power and coal plants, but in the moments I forget that they bring me joy.<br /><br />I love knowing that light is returning (which is solstice, not christmas, but really now, to those of us who don't attach mystical importance to the dates and the myths, it's really all the same, no?) - it makes no sense, it's still dark. It's still gonna be dark for a good long time, but it's getting better..... Hope, especially this year, is crucial to survival sometimes.<br /><br />And I feel alienated, cranky and petty that someone might question my right to celebrate. Cause I'm not excited that that baby born among the critters (how cool!) will grow up to be tortured to death (how awful!) - supposedly in some sort of payment for my sins (how really awful!) <br /><br />My favorite Christmas Carol from my childhood was Good King Wenceslas, a carol that really has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, it clearly states that it happens the NEXT day (St. Stephen's), and Christmas never come into it. What I love about it is the spirit of generosity. I guess that's what Christmas Spirit is to me, maybe, a concern for other humans, in the part of the year that's hard to get through, where people might freeze or starve or catch pneumonia so much more easily. Like maybe we wake up to each other and feel a real sense of urgency to save us all, not just our own skins. And true connection. The king doesn't just order that help be sent, he GOES, he walks through the snow and bitter cold himself. He doesn't have to (like the page does, he was ordered, poor thing!) - at least not technically, but he does. That thing I call God (and don't) tells him he has to, and so he does. (Of course there's so much in that song about wealth and privilege and obligation and charity and justice - I could tear it to shreds too, but not today)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-84539897116799270422009-09-22T17:19:00.002-05:002009-09-22T17:23:17.661-05:00Facebook is eating my brainseriously, I think my lack of blogging coincided pretty closely with getting a facebook account, it's AMAZING how hard it is to actually get myself to think for five minutes about an interesting concept, and come up with something to say about it. <br /><br />It's so much easier to just "update my status" and I get so much more feedback, you know?<br /><br />It's pretty sad.<br /><br />Like junkfood for the electronic soul.<br /><br />I dreamt last night that a blogger I'm facebook friends with published a link to a blogpost of theirs, and I tried to write this long, elaborate response in the facebook comments section and then I remember that I HAD A BLOG. <br /><br />It was kind of scary. So I thought I'd check back in here, and see if I can think of something worthwhile to say.<br /><br />I also dreamt I was in love with a guy I barely knew in high school, who I now know to be gay (like me, more or less) - he liked me back, but we kept both saying, "but wait, we're gay!"<br /><br />I don't KNOW what the answer to that one isUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-66113231927624036102009-05-25T22:38:00.003-05:002009-05-25T22:54:38.744-05:00Pagan ValuesYike, It's nice to have something to write about, since I seem to have been "blocked" for over a year now.<br /><br />At the same time, it makes me want to giggle, like I'm nervous.<br /><br />It feels weird, rebellious, contrary, to try to take over "values" (not like exclusively, but like really own that we have them too) <br /><br />How did they (yes, "they" you know, "them") manage to cordon off that word for themselves? no fair!<br /><br />and then, like I said, I don't know if I have "pagan values" <br /><br />I've been intrigued for a while by the fact that "pagan" and "heathen" kind of mean the same thing, and that isn't really about religion, it means like country folk, right? people too far from the city centers to be hip to the church. Now the city folk seem more likely to be pagan or atheist than the country folk, but I don't have stats on that, so don't quote me.<br /><br />But I like to think of it meaning "just regular folks" - living our lives, not so caught up in the stories people tell each other that we forget the basics.<br /><br /><br />Anyway.....<br /><br />I have values, and they're rooted in something, but they're rooted in like truth, or they try to be, which feels different from being rooted in religion. You can't disprove something that would uproot my values. At least I don't think so, is there something like that out there?<br /><br />At least I HOPE they're rooted in truth.<br /><br /><br />Right now I cant' think of much beyond <br /><br />Reverence for life<br /><br />Is that my only value? <br /><br />Possibly.<br /><br /><br />Now, for me that doesn't translate into being opposed to legal abortion, it doesn't even translate directly into opposing the death penalty (though as it stands, I do) <br /><br />It's not so much about that kind of stubbornness. It's never that easy, life is way complicated<br /><br />and quality of life is important, fullness of life, being able to fully blossom as a human being (or a flower, or a bug, or a giraffe), so equality is important, respect is important, kindness is important, justice is important.<br /><br />But it's NOT simple.<br /><br />Today at the dogpark, I was like COVERED with caterpillars and inchworms and things (ok, not covered, but seemed always to be finding a new one on me) and I kept moving them, not killing them, and putting them on trees and leaves and things - reverence for life, right? Except, I wonder about the trees, and what those caterpillars grow into, and what they consume to do it. If I was focusing on the plants they will go on to eat, killing them would most likely have been "best" <br /><br />So my values often don't give me answers, they give me questions I don't know the answers to<br /><br />(and it's not June yet, so maybe this doesnt' count?)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-69025345436336963792009-05-16T13:04:00.003-05:002009-05-16T14:14:46.787-05:00How to label myself re: religion - Quaker Pagan Atheist Pantheist, what? (maybe Buddhist too)So, in my last post which really didn't say much, Pax commented and asked/said:<br /><br />"I am curious though that you do not consider yourself a Pagan, is this because of your Atheism? Yet you also describe yourself as a Pantheist?<br /><br />I guess I am confused, or perhaps intrigued, by your use of the word Pantheist..."<br /><br />Ah, words, I love 'em and I hate 'em. <br /><br />First let me say that words don't play a part, any part at all, in my spiritual experience. I sort of assume that's true for everyone, but it's easy to forget.<br /><br />I would guess that when I am having a particularly spritually "in tune" moment, it might well be measurable in various ways (though I've never tried) - my heartrate, my breathing, what my skin is doing, etc., but, at least so far, there are not words inherent to that experience.<br /><br />They come later, to try to communicate with other human beings about what happened, and if it's similar for us, or different, or whatever. Sometimes I wonder if this is even a useful practice, but there it is, I do it.<br /><br />So, various words and how they might or might not apply to me.<br /><br />Pagan- I think I goofed, and what I really meant is that I'm not a Wiccan. I don't have a chalice and a blade, I don't do coven-y things. I marched with the pagans in an earth day parade about 20 years ago, cause they were the most fun group close to where I was standing, but that's about all I can say. I don't find myself desiring to celebrate pagan holidays with the people I see around me who self identify as pagans (though I do tend to acknowledge solstice and equinox, and occasionally the ones in between, whose names I'm worse with - but sometimes with just a word to a friend, sometimes with a picnic, the bonfire idea intrigues me, but I've never done it as a holiday thing)<br /><br />So, am I a pagan? I don't think so, but I'm not so sure. I'm a non-christian with a sense of spirituality, does that count? I find forests and lakes more spiritually infused than churches, does that count? I don't apply the word to myself much, though I toy with doing so as a kind of short hand for, well, "earthfreak" really :)<br /><br />Atheist - by this I mean, first, that I don't believe in the god I thought I believed in when I was a child at catholic school. I don't believe in a father figure god, I don't think there's a guy (or a person of any sort) I can pray to when I need something (though when I'm desperate I have been known to do so anyway) <br /><br />I mean second that I have not replaced him with another god, not the horned god, not zeus, not athena for that matter.<br /><br />I mean third that the word "supernatural" just seems downright silly to me. Plastic might be outside nature (I"m not sure) but I'm sure as hell not gonna worship it. As far as some force that is inherent in reality/the universe/being being somehow outside nature, that seems like the stupidest contradiction in terms I have ever heard of.<br /><br />I also HATE the term, "higher being" or "higher power." I absolutely reject the hierarchy inherent in the religion I was raised with (and in the vast majority of what I've been exposed to since) <br /><br />That does not mean that I think I am the highest being/power, or maybe it does. I have toyed with the term "broader power" - I can believe in the spiritual relevance of the interconnectedness of life and being, and the power inherent in the whole that we are all a part of.<br /><br />But I don't think it's supernatural. I think what's amazing and compelling about it is just how damn basic and natural it is.<br /><br />Pantheist - I have actually settled on this as more true for me than "Atheist" - <br /><br />What I still recognize, that I used to think was "god" is everything, is life, is the world and the mystery and wonder of it all.<br /><br />What I was praying to when, at 6 or 7 at that catholic school, I wrote in a notebook (was it an assignment? I don't know) "Dear Lood, thank you for my cat and my dog and love" (is it telling that the only word I misspelled was "Lord"?) - turns out that feeling wasn't "Lood" it was my cat, and my dog, and love.<br /><br />Makes a lot more sense that way, at least to me.<br /><br />So that's how I'm a pantheist.<br /><br />How I'm an atheist too is, I don't know if it's honest (since, going back to the beginning, the word "God" is not part of my spiritual experience, but part of trying to talk to other people about it) If "God" is everything, if God is love and life and being and the universe and all that is and mystery, then<br /><br />Is it useful, and is it honest to use a word that so many people use to mean something very different? To mean something OUTSIDE or beyond of all of those things? I don't feel that it is.<br /><br />I was on some Quaker forum/list/thingy years ago where the word panENtheist kept coming up, and to some (the majority) of people there is was VERY important to distinguish that God is IN everything, but transcends it too, that God is supernatural, that God goes beyond nature, it is VERY important to me that that's not true (not that I'd be that upset if it were true, though the God of the Bible is a meanie, in my opinion) but it seems very much not true, again not in a way I can argue with words (though I might give it a shot another day) but in a way I know without words.<br /><br />And Buddhism, which is sort of an awkward tagalong topic here, but felt dishonest to leave it out for the sake of some sort of efficiency...... I don't identify as a buddhist, and I don't tend to follow buddhist practice very much at all. When I studied comparative relgion in college it "spoke to me" the most of anything I studied, but I also had an advisor who was adamant that one can't "be" a religion outside the contact of the culture that religion belongs to. Americans often pick and choose what they like from "foreign" religions, and to me there's something very cool about that, and also something really annoying. <br /><br />I have heard Buddhism described as an atheist relgion, and that makes sense to me. It is a religion in that it seeks to address the mystery and in that it is about how we should be in the world (should is the wrong word there, I'm at a loss) but it is not theist in that is does not appeal to an outside source to answer any of those questions for us. It is about practice, not about believing something in particular. That makes sense to me, as does most of what the buddha (the one we talk about anyway) is quoted as having said, so there's that.<br /><br />Interestingly, I am quite aware that buddhism has its practicioners who are all about superstition and not at all about how to be in the world, just as christianity (oh yeah, christianity....) has its followers who are all about how to be in the world (following some really good suggestions attributed to Jesus) and not at all about superstition really.<br /><br />In fact, I was describing my atheism to a christian quaker a few weeks ago, and he kept insisting that what I was talking about wasn't atheism at all, but true christianity.<br /><br />It's damn confusing.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-55745889633175784792009-05-14T21:32:00.002-05:002009-05-14T21:58:32.438-05:00June 2009 is International Pagan Values Blogging Month!<a href="http://aquakerwitch.blogspot.com/">Stasa</a> turned me onto this, which was actually started over <a href="http://chrysalis1witchesjourney.wordpress.com/">here</a> at "Chrysalis"<br /><br />Now, I'm not exactly a pagan. I mean, in lots of ways I'm REALLY not a pagan, I don't know much at all about the trappings and ritual involved. <br /><br />But my spirituality is most manifest in natural settings, or something.<br /><br />Besides, Stasa says atheists are invited too :)<br /><br />So, something to write about. <br /><br />The implication, which seems to be all over in these past years/decades that morals come from religion sort of baffles me. Which I suppose is very different from challenging the implication that they come from christianity, with the idea that they can come from another religion. Good fodder, but I'm sleepy and incoherent right now :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-54971640572872509182009-04-15T12:45:00.002-05:002009-04-15T14:57:48.564-05:00Amazon.com ruckusSo, I'm serious hepped up about this<br /><br />I <a href="http://rftlight.blogspot.com/2006/02/independent-bookstores.html">blogged</a> about the difference between Amazon and indpendent bookstores over three years ago. Since then the independent bookstore I was talking about sort of folded and sort of got bought out. I hate to admit that, now that I don't know anyone who works there, I visit much less frequently, and I get most of my books at the library anyway.<br /><br />But all the uproar, or most of it, as far as I've seen, so far has been about what choices we want Amazon to make about censorship and who reads what and what gets promoted. Sometimes criticism will touch on the fact that it really matters what Amazon lets us read (well, find, they're not policing used bookstores or anything, isn't that a relief?) because they're huge, and so many people never look anywhere else for a book.<br /><br />If it's not on Amazon, it doesn't exist, right? So it's really important that Amazon doesn't begin to randomly diss major subsets of the population.<br /><br />But how/when/why did we come to accept that it's just fine that if it's not on Amazon, it doesn't exist? <br /><br />That's SCARY people!<br /><br />And I know, that's not exactly a catch phrase, but it is very true for publishers and authors- the ex mentioned in the three year old post above used Amazon rather than "books in print" for preliminary searches on customer requests (to find out if it's in print, the ISBN, the publisher, whatever) <br /><br />And, she told me once (and this is old, second-hand hearsay, so don't sue me, Amazon, I acknowledge it) that they (independent Amazon bookstore) called a vendor (a small regional press, I think) whom they had somehow neglected to pay for six months because they felt just awful about it, and the person she got there informed her that they'd just assumed that it wouldn't get paid cause they thought it was Amazon.com and not the independent Amazon. They "sell" (or give) books to Amazon because no one would know that they exist if they didn't. (I assume they do pay some of their vendors)<br /><br /><br />It seems like something people can't even wrap their brains around, somehow. I came across this great bookstore <a href="http://rftlight.blogspot.com/2006/02/independent-bookstores.html">blog</a> about it, but the comments all go back to, "well, it was a hacker, it's not their fault" - or someone else who's had independent bookstores refuse to order books with gay themes for him (so independents aren't any better, as if that's a competing chain) or whatever.<br /><br />I don't even CARE (much) if it was a hacker - the point is, even if Amazon is completely "pure" by whatever standards I could dream up (and it will never be) - diversity is essential.<br /><br />Potatoes were GREAT food in Ireland, good producers, nutritious, everything you could want<br /><br />Until they weren't<br /><br />And there was nothing else to eatUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-87919096533922349082009-03-19T21:31:00.002-05:002009-09-23T10:40:52.249-05:00Spritual or Religious?a f/Friend posted a question about this on his facebook page today, and I think maybe it's worthy of some chatter on my part. I was surprised at how many responses there were, without one being at all like mine.<br /><br />I used to use this phrase more for myself, about ten years ago, when it didn't feel quite so cliched or flaky. I wrote it in a personals ad (of all places, how embarrassing!) of all things, and explained it as, "anti-dogma, pro-awe" - which probably is a better all around phrase, and unlikely to catch on and become overdone.<br /><br />So, for me, "spiritual" is, or has been, a way to say, I experience something that feels like God (being atheist, I wouldn't actually name it god, at least not without extensive hedging) - I get that, I'm part of it (it being creation, lifeforce, mysticism, I"m not even sure)<br /><br />and "Religious" is tainted with, essentially, for me, well, believing stupid things. I was trying to think of a better way to say it, but that's not my gift, so there it is.<br /><br />If you're religious, maybe you believe the pope when he says that condoms are the enemy when combating AIDS. This essentially goes against reason, logic, and, well, reality. But if you're that kind of Catholic, he's right because he's the pope.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-81751051458352366202009-02-05T11:04:00.001-06:002009-02-05T11:07:54.080-06:00Fit for Freedom, not for Friendship<a href="http://www.philly.com/inquirer/magazine/39129752.html">http://www.philly.com/inquirer/magazine/39129752.html</a><br /><br />I'm excited for this book coming out.<br /><br />My recent ex (I'm still very sad) asked me a while ago about why there weren't many black quakers, especially seeing that we were so involved in the antislavery movement. I just choked out a really long and rambly, guilt-laden, essentially, "I dont' know"<br /><br />Turns out quakers can't claim nearly as much credit as we'd like to for being above/beyond this racist world and country we live in. <br /><br />Still haven't figured out how to get there, but I'm pondering it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-1704118404499094892008-12-29T21:09:00.002-06:002008-12-29T21:12:59.791-06:00Um, hi?I'm thinking about blogging again, but seem to have a combination of writers block and abject terror that I have nothing to say, or worse, that I do, but it's incoherent or at least stupid, <br /><br />So here's me putting my foot in the water with nothing to say, just to break the ice or something, hopefully I'll be back soon.<br /><br />I watched "Finding Nemo" the other night for the first time maybe since it came out. I'd forgotten, there's one part where they have to take a big risk and the one fish says "how do you know nothing bad will happen?" and the other fish says "I don't"<br /><br />I swear this was the best insight I've received from the universe over the last decade or so, something I really need to hang onto - If you're alive sometimes you just gotta push through even with no clue how bad it might be. A timely reminder for me too. Ah, the wisdom of PixarUnknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-41860300444539112792008-01-31T11:20:00.000-06:002008-01-31T12:34:51.606-06:00Only a coincidence if you're a clueless WASPAllison's answer to, <br /><br />"1. Is there something about Quaker theology that makes it more appealing to the kind of people who get college degrees? Is there something about Quaker theology that makes it unappealing to the kind of people who don’t get college degrees? If so, why?<br /><br />2. Or is it something about current liberal Quaker culture? If so, why?<br /><br />3. Or is it something to do with current liberal Quaker practice? If so, why?<br /><br />4. Or do you think it is just a coincidence? If so, why?"<br /><br />On <a href="http://quakerclass.blogspot.com/2008/01/questions-questions.html">Jeanne's Quakers and Social Class Blog</a><br /><br /><br />At this moment I think this is like the ONLY task before quakers in terms of dealing with classism, racism, diversity (a term I'm coming to hate from overuse and cluelessness) <br /><br />If we are called to "answer that of god" in everyone, and HUGE swaths of humanity are turned off/chased away by how we're doing things, that's not "okay" <br /><br />It's at the very least not okay to simply chalk it up to "coincidence" and refuse/fail to examine what about us alienates people. <br /><br /><a href="http://quakerclass.blogspot.com/2008/01/keys-to-what-kingdom.html">Jeanne</a> also points out:<br /><br />"I can think of all sorts of things Friends would deem as "inappropriate." Dress (low-cut tops, muscle shirts), language (non-standard grammar, swearing, Jesus talk), food at potluck (fast food, processed food, non-organic food), conservative views (pro-life, Republican), spending habits (owning an SUV, subscribing to cable), to name just a few (and I bet you can add to this list)."<br /><br />Now, I have to say, my defensive, clueless wasp brain immediately assumes I'm being asked to start wearing low cut tops and subscribe to cable, which is NOT the point.<br /><br />The point is a little elusive to my fallible human brain, but it's something about getting too attached to outward forms.<br /><br />Does organic food bring us closer to God? maybe, especially if, like me, your spirituality is very earth-based, it might.<br /><br />Does squinching up our noses at food that isn't organic bring us closer to God? I bet you can guess my answer to that.<br /><br />I've been a vegetarian for 20 years, have gotten a lot less militant (and a lot more confused, go figger) about it lately.<br /><br />I used to get really angry at what became a relatively common story I'd hear: "I used to be vegetarian" (and maybe they are again) "but I travelled abroad and found myself in situations where to refuse a meat dish would have been terribly insulting to my hosts, so I made an exception." For years my ONLY response to this was that this person was a "sellout", now I'm finally beginning to see the value in being somewhat flexible in honoring other people's culture, even when it conflicts with your own.<br /><br />I'm not saying I would eat meat in such a circumstance, I don't know. But I might miss out on a lot if I don't. And, even in I decide my personal ethics have to come first, there are a variety of ways to approach the situation, some of which are terribly self righteous and alienating, some of which could be much more friendly (than is my natural inclination) <br /><br /><br />I think it's a lot about letting go of the idea that there is A right way to do things (to think about things, to talk about things) and that we know what it is. What if we saw every exposure to something new/alien/scary/different, not as a threat to our ivory tower of perfection, but as an opportunity to learn more, or to grow in love? To know God better.<br /><br />I dunnoUnknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-14973299068058231632008-01-23T09:27:00.000-06:002008-01-23T10:21:08.069-06:00Friends of Color Blog<a href="http://www.friendsofcolor.blogspot.com/">try this</a><br /><br />with the subtitle: "...helping the Religious Society of Friends be whole" wow.<br /><br />It just started up, and I think it's a great idea. I'm hoping there will be a lot of activity and some interesting stuff will come up. <br /><br />I am also thinking of starting a discussion list for allies, so that those of us who are well intentioned have a place to discuss what comes up for us without getting too much in the way, but I'm wondering if there's any interest? Let me know<br /><br /><br />OK - the links in my post aren't working, but the link on the side in "quaker blogs I follow" does<br /><br />bleah, technology<br /><br />(ok, now I think it works)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-16495665817544198762007-12-21T15:33:00.000-06:002007-12-26T09:57:14.471-06:00"Dibs"who has them? particularly on "living the love which Jesus spoke about" - from a recent post of mine.<br /><br />I wondered what it would mean to define ourselves as "seeking to live out the love which Jesus spoke of" (paraphrasing Jeanne) <br /><br />and, in the comments, the question was raised, to paraphrase, <br /><br />Well, doesn't EVERYONE seek to do that? Can't we claim that we've actually experienced it? (done it?) Don't we have something more special to offer the world? (evidence that it's possible?)<br /><br /><br />Freaked me out.<br /><br />I'm still not sure what to say about it.<br /><br />I'd like to say that my first reaction was excitement that that's true of Quakerism - not only do we seek to live in that love, but we actually, as a whole, do it. Heck, I'd be excited to think that everyone else is trying to. That hasn't really been my experience.<br /><br />So, really, my frist reaction was SCARY CHRISTIAN! (note: the commenter is a friend of mine and member of my home meeting, and I can attest is not scary in the least) I have a visceral, unhappy reaction, to any implication that anyone has some special "in" with Jesus, or especially with LOVE, especially me, or my group.<br /><br />Also, and I think I've said this before, I've met a few people who actually do, in my experience, live in and radiate that sort of love, and they're all Catholic, or at least were for most of their lives.<br /><br />I'm not making some giant statement that Catholicism is the way. They're also all women, and I believe that sort of light is available to men, too.<br /><br />And, in spite of this repeated experience, I'm not Catholic. I'm just not. Much like I'm not straight, even though most of the relationships I would like to emulate are heterosexual ones. <br /><br />That doesn't mean that I have to be straight to find true love, it does mean that a lot more people are straight, so it's more likely the good relationships I see will be straight (the worst ones I've seen have been straight too) <br /><br />There are lots more Catholics than Quakers, too. And I don't even want to get into how easy it is to find Catholics who are NOT managing to be someone I'd want to emulate spiritually (or any other way)<br /><br />So, back to the beginning, CAN we claim that we know it's possible? that we've done it? <br /><br />I don't know. I think maybe I've done it in tiny moments here and there throughout my life, but now, it's not my general state of being. <br /><br />As for Quakerism, I've found that it offers ME more of an opportunity to tap into that love, or to nurture it, than anything else I've tried.<br /><br />But a huge part of my (universalist) quaker experience is standing in awe of how many paths there are to it, how many guises it takes, and how true one can be for someone else while being the worst fit in the world for me.<br /><br /><br />So, for me, I SEEK, I don't really claim to have found or accomplished much. But the seeking is important, and the moments where it works out are amazing.<br /><br />And I love quakers, but I'm not exactly blown away by our superior level of spiritual evolution or anything. I expect us to be flawed, and I'm not all that disappointed in that expectation.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-24506329863447582522007-11-30T11:05:00.000-06:002007-11-30T11:46:12.183-06:00Both of the people I know who killed themselves did it in November. Tonight is the sixth anniversary of my cousin's suicide. <br /><br />I feel like it's hitting me harder than I remember it doing in years past...<br /><br />My friend Kate who is adopting an older kid tells me that they warn you that your kid may "act out" on anniversaries of significant/bad things, without even knowing it.<br /><br />Yup, it feels sorta like that, except I'm not really acting out, more folding up.<br /><br />God, it sucks.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-10251673130927015832007-11-27T08:18:00.000-06:002007-11-27T11:10:33.721-06:00Love as TestimonyI just got a new comment on a <a href="http://rftlight.blogspot.com/2007/02/splice.html">post from last February</a>, good thing I turned on notification for those things, or I'd never have seen it.<br /><br />Allison (whose <a href="http://rainbowruminations.blogspot.com/">blog</a> looks really interesting) asks what I've been thinking since about love as a testimony.<br /><br />I wrote <a href="http://rftlight.blogspot.com/2007/02/love-is-at-root.html">something</a> the next day, about love being the soil that the testimonies grow out of, which I think is more to the point.<br /><br />But I'm still frustrated that it's not what we talk about. Jeanne wrote, in a recent <a href="http://quakerclass.blogspot.com/2007/11/what-privilege-do-you-have-part-ii.html">post</a> about class, "I think it's fair to say that all Friends seek to live out the kind of love Jesus spoke about." in the context of what we're motivated by, and striving for, when we choose to tussle with the issue of class.<br /><br /><br />Maybe I'm only frustrated with myself. When people who don't know anything about Quakers ask me about it, I go on about waiting in silence, being moved by the spirit, that of god in everyone, what canst thou say, simplicity, equality, integrity, peace (community doesn't seem to be a testimony in my community! - or at least didn't make the list) what if I just said, "Friends seek to live out the kind of love Jesus spoke about"?<br /><br />Wow. <br /><br />I mean, aside from sounding more Christocentric than I'd prefer (while not actually being so. Doing something Jesus talked about is totally different from what most people think of as "christian" and what I resist about it - accpeting that he was in some way supernatural)<br /><br />but aside from that, it sounds freaky, mushy, hippy-dippy, new age, flaky or something.<br /><br />Why does LOVE sound like that? It's so basic, so essential, like dirt, necessary to life, to growth, unassuming at its best....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-49809087208609510342007-11-27T07:43:00.000-06:002007-11-27T20:30:18.458-06:00Do They Know It's Christmas?So, now two of my 5 radio presets in my car are playing xmas music 24/7. One has been since early november, and I'm already pretty sick of it.<br /><br />But I still scan through them on my way to work, and usually stop if one is playing<br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_They_Know_It%27s_Christmas%3F">"Do They Know It's Christmas?"</a> by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Band_Aid_%28band%29">Band Aid</a>.<br /><br />The song was released at the end of 1984, right before I turned 16, and is perfectly dramatic and bleeding-heart-ish for where I was then in my life. I still love it, in a weird nostalgic way.<br /><br />The <a href="http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bandaid20/dotheyknowitschristmas.html">lyrics</a>, however, are just ludicrous. I'm embarassed by them. I mean, the name for one thing. "Do they know it's Christmas?" - Well, some of "them" are christian, and certainly know. Some of them aren't, and for them it's NOT. A more appropriate question might be do WE know it's not Christmas for everyone? And should people have enough to eat even if it's NOT Christmas?<br /><br />And then the "there won't be snow in Africa" - well, actually, there most likely was, some places in Africa. There are some dang high mountains over there, from what I hear. I bet there's snow on at least some of them. But more to the point, who the hell cares about snow? Yeah, that's what starving people are missing out on, snow. Poor things.<br /><br />I know, poetic license and all that. It sounds good, and was very moving. Sold a lot of records, made a lot of money, which I heard didn't actually help the situation all that much. (as famine is almost always political, rather than due to actual lack of resources anyway) <br /><br />So I guess it just got me back into thinking about charity and how we see our relationship to the world. The song is so much about guilt because we have and others don't, but also, in this weird way, about how we're better than them (we, after all, know it's christmas, and we have snow to boot)<br /><br />I'm all for a sense of justice - a sense that something is wrong when we have a huge excess and others are suffering from want, but guilt is different, somehow, I don't like it. And the idea that people are starving because they're missing something that "we" "get" is just offensive. <br /><br />But the song still moves me. Nostalgia? Poetry? Still caught up in my western world white guilt? Yeah....<br /><br />*edit* <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jEnTSQStGE">link to youtube video</a>, courtesy of Martin, Thanks!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17411202.post-38909275774685650722007-11-05T10:43:00.000-06:002007-12-26T09:43:31.799-06:00Sad - Missing my co-opYesterday was North Country's last day open. I went there in the early evening. I'd been meaning to all week, but this stuff does get put off....<br /><br />I was amazed at how sad I was. I've known this was coming for ages. Even officially. They announced they were closing a while ago. When the New Riv closed I found out cause I planned on going to lunch there that day. Much more of a shock (but also a long time coming..)<br /><br />I'm mad that it didn't work, and yet I was part of it not working too. I haven't done my grocery shopping there in ages. It's a little further away than Seward Co-op, maybe a mile, and just that little bit harder to get to (at a weird intersection, with very little parking, sort of trapped between two highways and the river) In addition it sort of never had critical mass, or something. The produce wasn't as good, because it didn't have the level of turnover the other coops do, and so fewer of us bought it, making the turnover even worse.<br /><br />I miss the community-ness of it. From the handpainted wooden signs which retained a little of the old co-op feel, to the signs salvaged from other closed co-ops that they saved, a bit of history. I wonder where they'll go now.<br /><br />I know when I was more involved there was a sense of an "in" group. Working members and board members, lots of people who knew each other and were excited to chat when we saw each other. I think that created sort of an "out group" feeling for lots of people, and have heard that was part of what was alienating. Many of us would rather go somewhere where no one has much of a connection (though regulars will often know some of the cashiers, or whatever, anywhere), but it makes me really sad.<br /><br />I got interviewed, along with lots of other people, for a west bank (the neighborhood) history project. I'll be interested to see that when it's up (I think it will be a website, I'll link to it) - I don't feel very articulate, but it was actually suprisingly healing to talk to this unknown young woman about my history of the place, and what it's meant to me.<br /><br />Afterwards I swung by Seward Co-op on the way home. It's beautiful, with abundant, lovely produce as you walk in the door, lots of stuff, lots of lights, marketing endcaps. They're doing it "right". So right, in fact, that they're in the process of moving down the street to a much bigger place. The large parking lot is often filled, and the lines are getting long.<br /><br />And they exist because in 1973 or whenever North Country was getting too big and needed to spin off another co-op. Weird.<br /><br />I love Seward too, but it felt sort of soulless. I resented it, sort of like when my old dog, Patches, died, I resented my younger dogs, just for not being her, really. How could they ever compare?<br /><br />I guess they won't. Something real is lost, and something else continues on.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1